


Distressing Daniel

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor, Smarm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-06 12:02:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10334228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: Summary: Daniel, a harmless kitten, a plant, and a toaster.  Can theevil authors have him in a coma by page three?  <EG>





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Stargate SG-1 | Gen Fanfiction | Distressing Daniel

##  Distressing Daniel 

##### Written by Tracy LeCates, Sheryl aka Lost, Anne Sullivan   
Comments? Forward them to us at yumafanfic@aol.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

INTRO 

What can we say regarding this work of fiction? It was intended to be a challenge from the new hurt comfort list. Could we utilize every over-used cliché ever written about the characters? Factor in a seriously disturbed group of listsibs who egged us on, giving us the parameters and daring us to write it. The finished product is a little scary and very, very funny, not to mention pretty hard on poor Daniel and Jack. 

The authors humbly make two recommendations prior to your reading this story. Please put down anything you may be drinking while reading this. We have already had several complaints about the "coffee-all-over-the-monitor-and-keyboard" effect. Consider yourselves warned. <eg> Second, please note that THIS IS SATIRE and is not intended to insult anyone. Simply a bit of fun and hopefully a good laugh. 

Bottom line….please have fun. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

DISTRESSING DANIEL 

Doctor Daniel Jackson, archeologist and linguist extraordinaire sat in the unoccupied briefing room, a bowl of apples on the table in front of him "Jack feels so badly about bashing my head against the wall and nearly causing me brain damage. I know he was by my bedside the whole time I was in that coma. The least I can do is bake him a pie to show him that I've forgiven him," he said to himself as he picked up the first apple and started to peel. 

A second peeled apple joined the first in the bowl, and soon a third and a fourth were added. "I need coffee," the young shaggy-haired man murmured to himself as lack of caffeine made his hands begin to shake. As he rose from his chair a sudden caffeine deprivation tremble raced through his hands and the knife slipped from his grasp, hurtling point-down towards his delicate toes. 

"OW! Oh, my toe!" he gasped as he fell to the floor, bruising his backside as he landed. Carefully removing the sharp, blood-covered implement from his boot, he crawled bravely to the table and reached up for the phone. "This is Doctor Daniel Jackson. Code Red medical emergency in the briefing room. I've fallen and I can't get up," he squeaked out before collapsing to the floor, unconscious. 

The entire medical staff of the SGC raced to the briefing room, crowding in around the unconscious man. "Give him air!" Janet cried as she dropped to her knees beside him. "Oh, Daniel, Daniel… don't leave us. Please." 

Through the sobbing crowd gathered around the injured man came two medics with a gurney, who were pushed aside by the enormous Jaffa who glowered at all of them. "Where were you all when DanielJackson was in need of your assistance?" he demanded as he scooped the lighter-than-air anthro-puppy into his arms, cradling him gently against his chest. "I must take him to the infirmary. NOW!" 

  

Hours later Daniel's blue eyes fluttered open and he smiled courageously at the crowd around his bed. 

"He's awake, he's awake. Thank God." The relief was palpable in the infirmary. 

"That was a close one, Doctor Jackson," Janet said as she brushed a lock of silky hair off his forehead. "We almost lost you this time." 

"I'm okay," he whispered, looking around at the faces of his friends. "Where's Ja'k?" 

"Right here, Danny-boy Space-Monkey," O'Neill said as he stepped forward, a look of grave concern on his face. 

"Sure, you're right here now," Sam scolded him. "But where were you when Daniel needed you? Where were you? Off paying attention to someone else, or flirting with me." She turned her attention back to the young man in the bed. "Oh, Daniel. I'm so sorry. I was in my lab, completely absorbed with my Naqada toys when I should have been with you." 

"And I was deep in meditation," Teal'c said with profound apology in his voice. "From now on I vow this - you will have my undivided attention, DanielJackson." 

Daniel sneezed suddenly, bringing another wave of nurses to his side with Kleenex in hand. He sneezed again, and again, his watery blue eyes turning fearfully towards the floor. 

The kitten had crept in soundlessly and sat just a few feet from Jackson's bed, licking one of its paws. 

"No! No! My asthma! My allergies!" Daniel screamed, jumping up on his bed, risking reinjuring his toe. "Oh, no! I'm afraid of heights!" Swooning dangerously with a dozen pairs of arms reaching to catch him, he jumped down and ran for the nearest closet, only to emerge shrieking a moment later, "I'm claustrophobic!" 

"Dr. Jackson! I didn't know you were afraid of heights and small enclosed places," Janet exclaimed. 

"Oh, YES, Janet! Those and a thousand other phobias you'd never have guessed!" He shrieked again as the kitty approached, purring ominously. 

Seeing the brave young man's distress, Jack quickly grabbed for the kitty, catching hold of its nametag and rushed out to the hall. "Oh, no you don't! You won't hurt my friend!" he cried, holding the cat high above his head and twirling it around, faster and faster. 

"MEOW REEEEEOOOOWWWWRRREEEEOOWWRRRRREEEOOOWWRRRRR!" 

O'Neill let go, flinging the cat far down the hall. "See you in Hell, Fluffy! 

Fluffy, now disposed of expeditiously, Jack stood in the doorway to the infirmary wondering what the hell expeditiously meant. His last three brain cells pondered the question until, like a wisp, the thought was gone. Much like his youth. 

He made his way into the room, sitting beside the shivering archeologist, resisting the urge to crawl into bed and get lost in his endless, blue beyond blue eyes. Where would he be without Daniel? Where would any of them? Only Daniel could communicate with the many cultures they met, if only to impress them with his goodness and pure, unfettered innocence. Only the brave-but-delicate soul of Daniel Jackson could truly interpret the hand signals that so many of the aliens saw fit to use. Unbidden, a single tear streaked down the care-worn cheek. Oh Daniel…why is it always you? 

"Ja'k" 

A weak voice sounded from the vibrating gurney. Daniel's shivers were reaching a 4.9 on the Richter scale and various young nurses crowded around him to offer their body heat and help the shocky young innocent. After all, it wasn't Daniel's fault that the evil kitten had stumbled into the infirmary. It was so unfair! He was too good to be injured so often. Not that they minded, after all, sponge bath time was right around the corner. 

Jack held onto the frail hand of his friend, cradling it tenderly against his chest as he wept silently. 

"Not your fault, Ja'k. I should have developed better resistance to dander when I was young." 

Janet Frasier shooed them all out the infirmary so she could confiscate Jack's chair and cradle Daniel's hand for herself. She reached over and brushed his forehead with a cool hand. A Doctor's work was never done. She absently took note of the fist fight going on at the nurses station. Must be sponge bath time again, she mused. 

One hour later ….. 

Jack dejectedly carried his precious burden through the halls leading to his infirmary based Space Monkey. It was all his fault! Why couldn't he have moved faster? Why couldn't Fluffy have been a short hair? How could those super perceptive blue eyes ever see the good in the peoples they met on their journey if they were forever watering? Well, his gift was the perfect harmless peace offering. The delicate Baby's Breath was as harmless as a kitt… oh shit. Don't go there O'Neill. 

The fragile buds were perfect as they sat among the various medical devices kept forever ready while the infirmary was graced with its precious patient. Not wanting to disturb Daniel, Jack sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair and lost himself in the contemplation of his injured reason-for-living. The three brain cells immediately gave up the ghost and he zoned until…. 

"Ja'k?" 

"Danny! Oh, Danny, I'm sorry I didn't stomp the demon pussy sooner! Can you ever forgive me?" Jack hung his head in shame, silently willing his useless strength to the frail frame lying so wasted in the bed. A soft hand came to rest on the bent gray head, as if blessing him and infusing Jack with it's beautiful energy. 

"Not your fault, Ja'k." 

Jack raised tearful brown eyes to his wonderful friend. It was as if the sun had just burst forth on a cloudy a day, as if the stars were once again, perfectly aligned, as if his heart could beat forever while is basked in the presence of this perfect man. 

"What's that?" 

For a moment, jack lost his train of thought and had to blink before noticing that Daniel was staring at his offering. 

"It's Baby's Breath. It's supposed to be the most harmless plant that ever—" 

"Get it away from me!" 

Daniel stood upright on the bed, hopping from one foot to the other in obvious agitation. Immediately, every claxon in the SGC sounded, bringing every able-bodied nurse and the rest of SG-1 bounding into the infirmary at a full gallop. 

"I can't believe you brought that here …. Ahhhhchoooo ….. Jack! I am allergic to EVERYTHING!" :::cough::::::cough::: Daniel swayed from his perch, suddenly realize how far off the ground he was. "Oh my God, the height!" ::::ahhhhchooo!::::: 

Teal'c waded into fray around the panic surrounded bed, throwing airmen and nurses aside as if they were twigs. "Fear not, Daniel Jackson, I will save you!" 

Jack watched with numb fascination as the large Jaffa picked up the plant and lobbed it through the observation window. A scream was heard as an airman was struck in the temple while swallowing some aspirin. He collapsed immediately and went into full arrest without anyone assisting him. He wasn't Daniel, therefore, what did it matter who he was? He was a red shirt of the first order and was a necessary sacrifice in order to preserve the failing archeologist. 

Failing was right as Daniel swayed dizzily, belatedly realizing that he had forgotten to feed his fish before his pie making misadventure. They were probably all dead by now or he had one really fat oscar. The horror! It was a guilt ridden man who tumbled off into the waiting arms of Teal'c. Reaching out, he grasped a handful of t-shirt and searched desperately for his beloved friend. 

"Ja'k, please,…::gasp::: you have to do something for me!" 

Jack leapt over the bed and grabbed a dangling, pale white hand, holding it against his tear streaked cheek. "Anything, Danny-boy. Just ask!" 

"My fish…:::cough…cough::: you have to save them….:::gasp:::: no food!" 

With a final gasp, Daniel slipped into unconsciousness and Teal'c tenderly placed him back on the bed. He gently covered the paper-thin frame. Jack put his hands over his ears, unwilling to hear Daniel's labored breathing that echoed through the infirmary. 

"You did this to him, sir." 

Sam's accusing blue eyes stared straight through his soul. She was right. He had done it again. He had hurt his better half, his reason for existence. He didn't deserve to live. With a heavy heart, Jack pulled a keyring out of his pocket and handed it to Sam. "You feed his fish, Carter. I'm not worthy of the task." 

"Indeed you are not, O'Neill. Major Carter and I will see to the nourishment Daniel Jackson's fish." 

Together, the blonde scientist and the muscle bound Jaffa walked out of the infirmary, brushing Jack aside as if he didn't exist. He couldn't blame them. After all, who would miss him if he died? His last three brain cells had died only twenty short minutes ago and now he had almost killed his darling Space Monkey. Wearily, he sank back into the chair and picked up the small hand. "Please Danny, please live," he began. "I know I don't deserve you but if you stay with me, I promise to value you above all others. To worship at your feet, to kiss your ass, aw hell, Danny-boy, I'll tuck you in every night for the rest of my life. I will never forget how special and perfect you are!" 

In the early morning hours, Daniel fell into a coma. Jack, ever vigilant, wept until Doctor Frazier had to sedate him. 

The high-pitched squeal of medical monitors sounded through the room, jerking Jack from his drugged sleep. He looked around to see two orderlies disconnecting leads from Daniel's still form. 

*It can't be! Not my Dannyboy! * Jack choked back a sob. His only reason for living couldn't be gone. Jack looked wildly around for Janet, Dr. Warner, his teammates, anyone to reassure him that this was just a nightmare -- that it wasn't really happening. 

"Here, put him on this." 

The voice came from behind Jack. But it wasn't Janet or Dr. Warner. Jack turned to look and was shocked to see Dr. MacKenzie pushing a gurney into the room. "What are you doing? Where are Janet and Dr. Warner?" he demanded. 

"Now just calm down, Colonel. They were both exhausted and went to get some sleep. I'm in charge right now. Don't worry, I'm going to make sure this poor young man gets the help he truly needs." 

Dr. MacKenzie's words made Jack leap from his chair. He couldn't let this evil man take his beloved anthropuppy away! He knew once his blue-eyed friend fell into MacKenzie's hands, he'd never see him again. He knew he could never deserve the forgiveness or friendship of his sensitive, young friend, but even if Daniel never spoke to him again, he couldn't allow this awful fate to befall him. 

"NO! You can't take him away!" he shouted. "He's ill can't you see that? He's in a coma!" Surely someone must be around to help him save his beloved teammate from the clutches of this horrible man. Teal'c! He must be here somewhere. Even if he was angry with Jack, he wouldn't let that keep him away from Daniel's side. 

"I must insist you calm yourself, Colonel O'Neill," MacKenzie said in his most reasonable voice. "He's not really in a coma, I've given him something to help him sleep. It's for his own good. You must understand by now that young Jackson is far too precious for us to risk any further upset or injury. From what Dr. Fraiser has told me, the root of all his problems is these terrible allergies. Now every good psychiatrist knows that allergies are merely a psychosomatic reaction to a threatening world. The best way to treat him -- the only way, in fact -- is to remove him from the source of the threat." 

"No, please don't take him away. I'll… I'll… I should be the one to go away. I am the only thing threat in his life. Please let him stay here with his friends, his family. I'll go away. I never deserved the friendship of such a wonderful man, anyway." Jack was sobbing openly now. 

The nursing staff was entering the infirmary with a breakfast cart for the patient. They had not only brought his favorite foods, they had brought the coffee maker and toaster right to his bedside so it would all be fresh and hot for him. 

They were too late. The orderlies were already tenderly placing Daniel on the gurney. 

"I'm sorry, Colonel. It's too late for that now. I have all the papers here and signed. Dr. Jackson will be committed to mental health right away. I only hope that we can help him there." 

"NO!" Jack screamed. He threw himself at Dr. MacKenzie and made a desperate grab for the papers. The commotion suddenly woke Daniel, who leapt from the gurney and backed away from the orderlies, holding the back of his hospital gown closed. 

Jack's attack caused MacKenzie to fall backward against Daniel, who was pushed back into the breakfast cart. The impact caused the toaster to fall against Daniel's backside and catching his gown on fire. 

"Help, help!" he cried, running around the room. His gown was quickly burning away while the nurses stared in appreciative shock. 

Thinking quickly, Jack grabbed a blanket from the bed, tackled the young man and smothered the flames. The smell of burning cloth and singed skin filled the air, along with the howls from the battered young man. 

"Daniel? Are you okay? Oh, please, please be okay Daniel," Jack sobbed. "I would never want you to be hurt. Please be okay and I swear I'll go away and never darken your door again." 

********** 

"Sir. Sir!" 

"Jack, wake up. You're having a bad dream." 

"Wha…?" Jack jerked awake and sat up quickly, smacking his head against Daniel's. 

"Ow! That hurt." Daniel fell back on his butt, rubbing his forehead. "Next time I'll just leave you to your nightmares," he complained. 

"Are you all right, sir?" Carter hovered over him, worriedly. 

"Uh, yeah." Jack looked around, trying to get his bearings. They were definitely off world, not in the infirmary. Everything was fine. 

"Are you well, O'Neill? Perhaps you will feel better if you hold this soft, cuddly animal I found." Teal'c stepped forward to hand Jack a kitten. 

Daniel sneezed. 

FIN   


* * *

>   
> © January 15, 2001  
> The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

  


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##### Special thanks to Rowan for her apple slicing and apologies to Miki for the coffee on her monitor. LOL. 

* * *

  


_http://www.stargatefan.com_


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